1 Nephi 2:1-5

Once again we learn that Lehi has another dream where the Lord speaks to him. In this dream the Lord blesses Lehi for being obedient to the things the Lord asked him to do. Doing what the Lord asked him to do made him very unpopular and hated amongst the people of Jerusalem… to the point that they wanted to kill him. I ask again, how would we respond as members of the church today by someone other than THE prophet coming to us and telling us to repent; especially if it was based on his claiming revelation? If the Book of Mormon is written for our day, and I believe it is, why did the Lord include this? Will it happen again in our day?

Lehi is commanded in a dream to take his family into the wilderness. How do we respond when we receive dreams? What if Lehi had simply said “Sariah, I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed that I was supposed to leave all of our stuff and go into the wilderness. How weird is that?” I think it is significant that this story differs from the one found in the New Testament known as the Rich Young Man. In that story, the young man comes to the Savior and asks what he must do to inherit eternal life, where the Savior tells him to keep the commandments. The boy boasts that he has done that all his life. The savior then says “sell all you have, and give it to the poor and come follow me.” The boy went away sorrowfully because he was at that time unwilling to do that. (see Matthew 19;16-22).

Lehi isn’t asked to “sell all he has” but leave it all behind. This becomes evident when Nephi and his brothers go back to get their possessions for a trade of the Brass Plates. How would each of us respond to a dream to leave all we have and depart… especially when the directive didn’t come from church leadership or the living prophet? Would we have enough faith to do it? Do we have enough faith in our own ability to get revelation for us and our families?

Lehi was obedient to the Lord. He was indeed willing to sacrifice all that he had to be obedient.

And he left his house, and the land of his inheritance, and his gold, and his silver, and his precious things, and took nothing with him, save it were his family, and provisions, and tents, and departed into the wilderness. 1 Nephi 2:4

Verse 5 tells us that he took with him his family which consisted of “my mother Sariah, and my elder brothers Laman, Lemuel, and Sam.  Later, in 2 Nephi 5:6, as Nephi and those that will follow him separate themselves from the Lamanites, we read about Nephi’s sisters.

6 Wherefore, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did take my family, and also Zoram and his family, and Sam, mine elder brother and his family, and Jacob and Joseph, my younger brethren, and also my sisters, and all those who would go with me.       

It makes me wonder how old Lehi and Sariah were when they left Jerusalem? We know they had at least four children in the wilderness since we know of two additional sons, Jacob and Joseph and since “sisters” is plural. How old were Laman, Lemuel, Sam and Nephi? Interesting points to ponder.

1 Nephi 11:1

1 Nephi 11:1

I feel a little bit overwhelmed today. I have been very busy at work, for which I am very grateful. At the same time I feel a burning desire to read all that I can. In addition to my study of the Book of Mormon, I am reading “The Mortal Messiah- Book One” (There are 4 volumes). I am also reading Hugh Nibley’s “Approaching Zion”, an amazing work.

I love reading and I want to read all of my spare time, however, of course I have many other responsibilities. I have received a burning testimony of the new Duty to God program. I feel a compelling need to implement it in the life of my two sons. It comes as an answer to many sincere prayers on what I can do to prepare my sons for Priesthood service. Implementing this program takes a lot of time and dedication in the evenings. It has changes how we have family scripture study… a topic for another day.

Now we come to the topic of my blog. I also feel a strong need to write in this blog. The ironic thing is that not that many people read it. Something inside me however is driving me to write about my reading of the Book of Mormon. I have been delaying this day because of the overwhelming topic of Nephi’s interpretation of Lehi’s Dream. This is an important topic that I have spent many hours pondering about. I hope I can do it justice.

Vs 1
“FOR it came to pass after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.”

There is nearly an entire sermon taught in this verse alone. Nephi had a desire to know the things his father had seen; and he had faith that the Lord was able to make them known unto him. My immediate thoughts go to Alma’s parable of the seed.

27 “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.”

Take note of the words “desire to believe.” This is an indication of Nephi’s faith.

Nephi sat pondering. I have learned throughout my life that I need to make time for pondering. I have found that rising early in the morning is the only time that works for me. I awaken every morning between 4:30 and 5:00 am. I spend at least an hour reading, pondering, and journaling on impressions that come to me. Without a doubt this has become the most precious time of my life. This is the time that I really begin to understand the nature of our Heavenly Father.

Additionally I attend the temple every Wednesday morning for the 6:00 am session. I can’t begin to describe the things that I have learned over the last year doing this. The temple is indeed the Lord’s university.

Nephi was “caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, to an exceedingly high mountain.” This has been a topic of many hours of pondering. Where was Nephi when this was happening? Was he in his tent? Was he somewhere in the wilderness praying? If so, why was he carried away to somewhere else? Why didn’t the Lord simply appear to him where he was?

We know from the experience of others, that the Lord appears in “Holy Places”. These have often been mountain tops. It seems that the Lord uses mountain tops when temples aren’t available. If a temple had been available, would this have happened in the temple? Then we come to how this applies to me.

If the Lord, or one of his messengers, were to appear to me, where would this take place? The temple is certainly a likely place… but it isn’t really private there. Is my home a worthy enough place? I try to make it as clean as possible but the fact that we live in the “world” makes it very difficult to keep influences of the world out. Do I need to go to a mountain? If so, which one? Will the Lord carry me away to a mountain as He did Nephi? These and many other things have been the topic of much pondering and prayer.

1 Nephi 10

Sorry for the dry spell. I have been out of town with work (I am writing this from Las Vegas). I will try to catch up.

1 Nephi 10

Vs 1
Nephi completes his rehearsing of his father’s story and begins on his own.

Vs. 2-3
I have been reading the book of Jeremiah from the Old Testament while reading this part of the Book of Mormon as well. Both Nephi and Jeremiah lived at the same time and were writing about many of the same events. It has been very interesting to see the fulfillment of Lehi’s prophecies in the book of Jeremiah.

Vs. 11-12
I am constantly trying to do as we are taught by likening the scriptures unto my own life and situation. The Book of Mormon continually talks about “Israel” and the “Gentiles.” Since we as Latter-Day-Saints are really both Israel and Gentiles, I am continually trying to figure out how the scriptures apply to me. These verses are a perfect example of my confusion. Any thoughts from anyone???

Vs 13
This verse seems to make it clear that I am a Gentile and Israel is the Jews. This is not always the case in other scriptures however. Was Joseph Smith a Gentile of was he a natural branch of Israel???

Vs. 17
Nephi was desirous that he might “see, hear, and know” all the things his father saw, heard and knew. This scripture says this is a gift given to “all those who diligently seek him”. This is something I desire.

Vs. 18
The way is prepared for all!

Vs. 19
This is one of my favorite scriptures. “He that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them”

Vs 20-21
We are judged for what we do. If we do wickedly we will be found unworthy!

1 Nephi 9

This of course is a very short chapter.

Vs 1
“And all these things did my father see and hear…”
I am continually amazed at the number of visions, dreams, and voices that Lehi saw and heard. Nephi seems to be aware of all or most of them. This is an example to me of sharing special experiences with our children.

Vs 2-4
I am reminded by these verses of the talk Elder Henry B. Eyring gave in General Conference in the October 2007 Conference titled “O Remember, Remember.”

“I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.”

In this talk he encourages us to keep a journal of how we have felt the hand of the Lord in our lives. This talk really touched me and I have done a pretty good job of this ever since.

Vs 5-6
Of course we know in hind sight that the Lord was covering for the fact that Martin Harris would lose the 116 pages of the Book of Lehi and the only record we would have would be Nephi’s version of it.

We then learn in “The Words of Mormon” that Mormon’s abridgement was written from the “Large Plates of Nephi”, and that he added this “small account of the prophets, from Jacob down to the reign of this King Benjamin, and also many of the words of Nephi.” I quote Words of Mormon verses 6 and 7.

“6 But behold, I shall take these plates, which contain these prophesyings and revelations, and put them with the remainder of my record, for they are choice unto me; and I know they will be choice unto my brethren.
7 And I do this for a wise purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will.

1 Nephi 8

1 Nephi 8

I am really amazed at the number of visions and dreams that Lehi has. It appears that he doesn’t even write about all of them; or at least Nephi doesn’t write about all of his father’s dreams.

Vs 1
Why did Lehi gather seeds? Was he afraid that the promised land would have what he needed? (It was called the promised land after all, choice above all other lands). Or was this a commandment of the Lord… much like our commandment to have a year’s supply?

Vs. 5
Was the man he saw in the dream the Savior or an angel?

Vs. 6
If it was the Savior and he said “follow me”, was this literal or was this more like Jesus calling the apostles?

Vs. 10
I have a lot of thoughts and questions about this verse. Is this tree the same tree we learn about in the Garden of Eden; The Tree of Life? If its fruit was “desirable to make one happy”, why wouldn’t Laman and Lemuel partake of it? Why didn’t they want to be happy? I have siblings and relatives that won’t partake either. Why won’t they do something so simple if it makes them happy? We learn later on that the fruit of the tree represents the love of God. In light of this, and if it is the same tree found in the Garden of Eden, why was an angel set to guard it from Adam and Eve after the partake of the fruit of the other tree?

Vs 12
Feeling of the love and joy that comes from partaking of the fruit (the love of God), Lehi immediately thinks of his family.

Vs. 14
Our families need our guidance!

Vs 19
The Rod of Iron. We are taught that the Rod of Iron represents the word of God. We are taught to believe that this is the standard works. I have many thoughts on this topic but will share them in a few days when I write about Nephi’s interpretation of the dream.

Vs 20-33
The same holds true for the rest of Lehi’s dream: I will reserve my comments until we are reading Nephi’s interpretation in a few days.

Vs 23
Numberless concourses of people find their way to the path but fall away due to the mist of darkness; they were not yet holding to the rod of iron.

Vs. 24
Some are able to make it through the mist of darkness because they hold fast to the iron rod.

Vs. 25
How could someone be ashamed after they partook of the fruit? We have already learned the fruit is what makes one happy.

Vs. 30
“they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.” Did they fall down to worship as if worshiping the Savior or did they fall down out of exhaustion from the journey?

Vs 34
I find this verse a curious one. Why did Nephi see fit to include it?

Vs 37
I can understand exhorting then “with all the feeling of a tender parent.” How many times have we done this with our own children? How many time has my Heavenly Father done this with me?

1 Nephi 6 and 7

1 Nephi 6

Vs 4
“For the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved.”

I am impressed that Nephi is always a missionary. His mission is always to bring others to Christ. This attribute is one of the primary reasons I admire Nephi and want to be like him; he is always trying to do the right thing.

1 Nephi 7

Vs 1
The Lord speaks to Lehi again. Is this face to face, in a dream, vision, or the still small voice? Once again the revelation comes to the presiding authority- Lehi. Although Nephi had received many revelations, this one didn’t come to him.

This verse is a great example of when we are obedient to one commandment… we will receive more.

Vs 2
Lehi once again sends his sons to fulfill a mission. How is this similar to the creation of the world where the Father commanded the Son(s) to go and fulfill a task?

Vs 4
Can you imagine this conversation between Lehi’s sons and the family of Ishmael? What could you say to persuade an entire family to leave all they have and follow a “dreamer?”

Vs 5-6
I’ve never understood why Laman and Lemuel just didn’t stay behind. If they didn’t want to go, why did they; especially when they now had a larger group to fuel their rebellion?

Vs. 12
“Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.”

This is a very powerful verse that we would be wise to follow.

Vs 13
If we are faithful, we too will obtain a land of promise! I know this is true, blessings come to those who are faithful. I have experienced this in my own life. Although I continue to make many mistakes, I am truly trying to be faithful. I feel once again like the “tree by the river” as spoken of in Jeremiah 17:7-8.
“7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
8 For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.”

Vs. 17-18
I always have found it interesting that Nephi prays for the strength to burst the bands, however, the Lord sees fit to simply loosen them. Would giving Nephi the strength have boosted his pride and encouraged him to rely on his own strength? Loosing the bands made Nephi remember it was the Lord’s doing.

How can I apply this to my own life? How often do I ask the Lord for something that is righteous… but will make me “look good” rather than making people turn to Christ?

Vs. 19
Was the daughter that settled down those who were angry with Nephi the one he ultimately married? The fact that her mother also was part of the peace making points to the faithfulness of the mother. She was in support of going into the wilderness to be with Lehi.

Vs 21
I have always been impressed that Nephi “did frankly forgive them and all they had done.” He was willing to forget it and move on. This is a great example of forgiveness.

Vs 22
Once again they offer sacrifice as thanks to the Lord. How do we offer sacrifice in thanks? The Lord asks us to sacrifice our will to His!

1 Nephi 4

Vs. 1
It is humbling to me to ponder that everything belongs to our Heavenly Father and we really have and are nothing. The earth is made up of matter. All of this matter belongs to our Heavenly Father. Our homes, our cars, and most importantly our bodies are all made from His matter. When we die, the matter of our bodies simply becomes part of the earth again. It is simply by His goodness that He allows us to borrow anything. Pondering this concept makes me realize that He, and only He, is in charge of all things. This makes 1 Ne 4:1 relevant.

Vs. 3
Nephi tells his brothers “an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt?” This phrase makes me think of Jacob, the brother of Nephi, when he was speaking with Sherem found in Jacob 7:5 which reads:

“And he had hope to shake me from the faith, notwithstanding the many revelations and the many things which I had seen concerning these things; for I truly had seen angels, and they had ministered unto me. And also, I had heard the voice of the Lord speaking unto me in very word, from time to time; wherefore, I could not be shaken.”

For Jacob, seeing an angel helped him have faith that couldn’t be shaken! Such miracles only seem to strengthen the faith of the righteous; the wicked are not phased by it.

Vs. 6
How often do we need to step into the darkness relying on nothing but faith?

Vs. 10
Many times in my life I have felt a prompting to do something or perhaps not to do something and I have second guessed myself; particularly when I was younger and less experienced in following the promptings of the spirit. I have often asked myself “is this really the spirit or just my own feelings?” Did Nephi feel this way or was he experienced enough to know it was of the Lord? It appears that he knew it was a prompting of the Lord but that he didn’t want to do it at first. It was against everything he had ever been taught.

Vs. 11-12
In both these verses Nephi says “the Spirit said unto me.” Only experience can teach us to hear the still small voice of the Spirit!

Vs. 13
We learn from the experience of the Mulekites what the result would have been if they hadn’t taken the plates.

Vs. 14
Nephi writes “when I had heard these words”. Again, was it the still small voice or more literal? He goes on to write “I remembered the words of the Lord which he spake unto me in the wilderness.”

Vs. 18
“I obeyed the voice of the Spirit.”
I have learned from my own experience that if I obey the voice of the Spirit, the voice comes more often and more clearly. If I disobey, the next time is slower in coming.

Vs. 30-38
I have many thoughts and questions about Zoram. It seems apparent that Zoram didn’t actually know Laban very well because Nephi was able to hide his identity. Zoram knew the armor or the clothing of Laban more than he knew the Man.

It appears that Zoram was more of a slave than a servant. There was no discussion of Zoram leaving his family behind. Nephi also promised Zoram that he would be a “free man” if he would go into the wilderness with Nephi.

I am also amazed at what binding attributes are associated with an oath in that day. Nephi writes “when Zoram made an oath with us, our fears did cease concerning him.” This seems unheard of in our day.

Another Thought
I have often pondered on how important it was that Nephi was the one successful in getting the plates from Laban. Later in the story, as the Nephites and Lamanites part ways, Nephi’s group takes the plates with them. I am convinced that if Laman had been successful in getting the Plates from Laban, that when they parted ways that there would have been a fight over the plates and Laman would have ended up with them. Think of the consequences!

1 Nephi 3

1 Nephi 3

I had a wonderful morning in the Salt Lake Temple this morning. A wonderful spirit was present and it was the perfect way to start a new day. I encourage all to attend as much as possible.

Because I was in the temple this morning, I am late in getting today’s thoughts posted. I welcome your comments.

Vs.1
Nephi returns from speaking with the Lord! Was this simply a prayer or was it a vision? Perhaps he simply heard His voice. Is this experience separate from the previous experience?

Vs 2
Lehi has another dream. He is commanded to have his sons return to Jerusalem. Why wasn’t Lehi commanded to go himself? Was his life in danger because of his previous preaching or was this some kind of lesson for his sons?

Vs. 3
I have heard several times in my life that Lehi and Laban were cousins. Is this something revealed by Joseph Smith or are we simply assuming this because Laban has the record of Lehi’s forefathers?

Vs. 5
This verse implies that Lehi has already spoken to Laman and Lemuel prior to speaking to Nephi. Lehi tells Nephi that they have already complained that it is too hard.

Vs. 7
This is one of the most beloved and quoted scriptures in the entire Book of Mormon. What a manifestation of Nephi’s faith! I have a cross reference of this scripture with Moroni 7:33 which reads; “33 And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me. I hope to be able to develop this type of faith!

Vs. 8
I have experienced this type of joy that comes from my children exercising faith!

Vs. 10
I wonder what the population of Jerusalem was at this time? The current “old city” is about 1 square mile, however, the Bible maps found in our scriptures show the city at the time of Christ much smaller. This was even 600 years prior to Christ’s coming. Was it smaller or larger?

On a side note, some of the walls of the city that would have existed during this time have been excavated in Jerusalem. They are really remarkable to see.

Vs. 11
Why did they cast lots? Why didn’t they all go?

Vs. 14-16
They all became exceedingly sorrowful when their first attempt failed. Laman and Lemuel wanted to give up but Nephi was committed to keeping the commandments… and he considered getting the plates one of them.

Interestingly they go to plan B of their own. They didn’t seem to turn to the Lord to ask Him how to get the plates.

Vs. 19-20
Nephi seemed to really understand the importance of getting the plates. He outlines the consequences of not getting them. Did he receive this by revelation or was it told to him by his father as they were planning the trip?

Vs. 21
Nephi uses his testimony to try to persuade his brothers to keep the commandments.

Vs. 29
As Laman and Lemuel are beating their younger brothers, perhaps for having such “stupid” ideas as giving up all their gold and silver, an angel appears. Why did this not simply floor Laman and Lemuel?

Vs. 31
When the angel leaves, Laman and Lemuel go right back to murmuring. This is difficult for me to comprehend.

I wonder how many days this entire experience took? For most of my life I imagined it all happening in one night but I am now beginning to think that it was over a period of several days. It doesn’t say how long they were in the “cavity of a rock”.

An Answer to Prayer

Over the past 10 days or so I have been really struggling with an important personal decision in my life. It was a decision I wasn’t sure I had the ability to make due to its difficulty. I haven’t known how to handle a certain situation and I have made it a matter of earnest personal prayer. I want to write how the Lord has answered my prayer… but in a way far different than the way I expected.

For the past few weeks I have been reading “The Promised Messiah” by Elder Bruce R. McConkie. I have discovered that it is a true treasure that we have in our midst and one that I have under appreciated. I encourage all to take the time to read it.

As I have read this book, along with my reading of The Book of Mormon, I have begun to have a greater understanding of, or perhaps a greater desire for the “ministering of angels.” I have learned that we as faithful Latter-day-Saints are entitled to this divine gift, so selfish me wanted this blessing in my life. So as I went to the Lord for help on the important decision spoken of, I wanted it to come in a way that included a divine manifestation.

I have spent long hours on numerous occasions in prayer on this matter. I have wept many tears and really plead. A few nights ago I awoke at 1:00 am and poured my heart out to the Lord for over two hours. I knew He was listening… I had some distinct impressions… but no clear answer, and no divine manifestation.

Several nights later I drove up Millcreek Canyon and hiked up Rattlesnake Gulch in the dark! I found a spot to pray and spent another couple of hours pouring my heart out to the Lord. Still no answer. I hiked back to my car and read from the Book of Mormon. I prayed as I read. Still no answer. When I started my car to drive home, my car audio system began to play our latest General Conference. Right at the time I needed it, Elder Richard G. Scott spoke these words: “What can you do to enhance your capacity to be led to correct decisions in your life? What are the principles upon which spiritual communication depends? What are the potential barriers to such communication that you need to avoid?

President John Taylor wrote: “Joseph Smith, upwards of forty years ago, said to me: ‘Brother Taylor, you have received the Holy Ghost. Now follow the influence of that Spirit, and it will lead you into all truth, until by and by, it will become in you a principle of revelation.’ Then he told me never to arise in the morning without bowing before the Lord, and dedicating myself to him during that day.”

Father in Heaven knew that you would face challenges and be required to make some decisions that would be beyond your own ability to decide correctly. In His plan of happiness, He included a provision for you to receive help with such challenges and decisions during your mortal life. That assistance will come to you through the Holy Ghost as spiritual guidance. It is a power, beyond your own capability, that a loving Heavenly Father wants you to use consistently for your peace and happiness.

I am convinced that there is no simple formula or technique that would immediately allow you to master the ability to be guided by the voice of the Spirit. Our Father expects you to learn how to obtain that divine help by exercising faith in Him and His Holy Son, Jesus Christ. Were you to receive inspired guidance just for the asking, you would become weak and ever more dependent on Them. They know that essential personal growth will come as you struggle to learn how to be led by the Spirit.

What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger. I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.

Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together. That’s why Nephi could say, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.” He knew the spiritual laws upon which inspiration and power are based. Yes, God answers prayer and gives us spiritual direction when we live obediently and exercise the required faith in Him.”

This message was directed perfectly to me. I am certain that had an angel appeared to me, he would have given me the exact same counsel. The whole thing was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me but I was particularly touched by the words “I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.” I learned I don’t need an angel to appear to receive the counsel I need!

Elder Scott said that spirituality yields two fruits: The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is the power or capacity to do it. Very clearly the answer came to me of what to do. In fact I knew exactly what to do! The second part however was the more difficult part… the part that required faith: I had to do what the Lord wanted me to do and it required me to go against what I believed to be the truth. I felt like Nephi when told to kill Laban. “And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart: Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
And the Spirit said unto me again: Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord; and he also had taken away our property.
And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me again: Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands;”

Doing what I needed to do was going to require me to swallow my pride. Like Nephi I said (with a little grumbling) I will go and do the thing which the Lord has commanded. I know it is the right thing and I know I will be blessed for it.

This experience has taught me once again that the Lord loves us and He answers our prayers. He does allow us to have difficulties in our lives to help us grow. I am grateful for my knowledge of His love for me. I am grateful for inspired leaders like Elder Scott that can follow the promptings of the spirit to help those in need. I know he wrote that talk for me and others with similar struggles.

"O Wretched Man That I Am"

A couple of weeks ago I started reading the Book of Mormon again. I decided this time to keep a journal as I read and to write down thoughts and impressions that come to me as I am reading. I am amazed at the things I have written down and am now better able to remember because I took the time to write them down. My reading of the Book of Mormon will forever be changed since reading “The Second Comforter” by Denver Snuffer. I now see much more clearly the number of times that the Lord personally appears and speaks to those who were writers of the Book of Mormon. I want to follow the example of these great leaders.

Today I was deeply touched by 2 Nephi Chapter 4. This is the chapter where Nephi writes about his fathers final words to his family before he dies. Then Nephi goes on to give one of the greatest sermons of all time… one that I feel resonates with me and my life. I will quote Nephi, but insert my thoughts as appropriate.

Nephi writes “16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.”

I know that I shouldn’t “delight” in other people’s sorrows but I have to admit that this group of scriptures gives me great comfort. I like to know that Nephi, one of the greatest prophets of all time, who saw God and angels, continued to struggle with temptation! I honestly strive to keep the commandments but I too continue to be saddened by my weakness in keeping the commandments.

Nephi continues “19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. “

I too know that God has been my support and has led me through mine afflictions. Even beyond my ability to comprehend, God has been there for me to support me in times of great sorrow. I have felt of His love… to the consuming of my flesh. In a time when I was so sad that I didn’t think I could go on, the Lord was there to lift me and to comfort me. He has even confounded my enemies… my enemy Satan… a story I will tell on a future post.

Nephi continues “23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?”

This may be my favorite part! Nephi has had visions… perhaps dreams because he says “in the night-time”. He has had the visitation of angels! And most importantly he has seen the Savior! (See 1 Nephi 11:1-11 to see the details of this vision. Pay particular attention to verse 11). He was carried away unto an “exceedingly high mountain” where he saw and heard things he could not write! Does this have something to do with the Temple Endowments of today?

Nephi continues “27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

I want to tell of a very sacred personal experience here. This is a story that I have never told in public before. In about 1998 Ann and I took a tour with BYU Travel Study to the Holy Land. For those of you who haven’t done this yet I highly recommend it: It is a life changing experience! While in the city of Jerusalem we had the opportunity of going to the Garden Tomb a couple of times. This experience alone is wonderful enough, but we were there at Easter… an even more sacred time for this specific spot. I am not sure that I have ever felt the Spirit stronger than I did on Easter morning in this sacred place. On most days visitors are allowed into the tomb… but on Easter the tomb is closed with a sign on the door stating “He is not here, for He is risen”.

I found a spot alone in the beautiful gardens that surround the tomb and poured my thanks out to God for my many blessings. But I also had a nagging burden on my mind. Some months before I had done something that I considered a sin. I don’t want to imply I had done anything grievous, but I had done something I was ashamed of. I felt my repentance would not be complete until I talked to my bishop about it. The problem was that my bishop was one of my best friends… I was too embarrassed to go to him. (How many has this kept from truly repenting?) As I sat there, and pled with the Lord to forgive me… an almost audible voice came to me and said “I bled from every pore, was humiliated and spit upon, whipped and beaten, nailed to a cross until I died for you… and you are embarrassed!” I felt I was cut to the core by this voice: I was so ashamed. Needless to say I went to my bishop and received forgiveness.

Nephi continues “28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen”

I bear my personal and solemn witness to you that God lives and that His Son Jesus Christ is the Redeemer of the world. I have a personal witness that true repentance, and continual striving to keep the commandments is the only place we find true joy and happiness.