Forgiveness

Forgiveness

I begin this post once again with thoughts from C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”. He states in his Forgiveness chapter with the idea that likely the most unpopular of Christian virtues is “Thou shalt Love thy neighbor as thyself.” He validates this by saying “Because in Christian morals, ‘thy neighbor’ includes ‘thy enemy,’ so we come up against the terrible duty of forgiving our enemies.”

Everyone seems to think that forgiveness is a wonderful virtue… until they have to forgive someone. Then it becomes very difficult. Lewis asks “I wonder how you’d feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?”

Many of us are very bold in telling ourselves and others that we would gladly give our lives for our faith… but are we willing to for-give? We continue to read in Mere Christianity “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us.’ There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?”

All of us have had to forgive others throughout our lives. I have had some pretty amazing experiences with this in my own life that I will share. One in particular is too sacred and I will keep it to myself. However, C.S. Lewis, in his amazing fashion puts a new spin on this idea when he writes “I remember Christian teachers telling me long ago that I must hate a bad man’s actions, but not hate the bad man: or, as they would say, hate the sin but not the sinner. For a long time I used to think this was a silly, straw splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been ding this all my life—namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. There has never been the slightest difficulty about it. In fact the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things.”

A couple of years ago, when were studying the teachings of President Spencer W. Kimball in Priesthood meeting and Relief Society, we had a lesson about forgiveness (As author of ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness’ he is considered an expert on the subject). The discussion was lively; many ideas were expressed. Someone asked “are we supposed to forget about others sins?” Another asked “how can we forget our own sins?” The most thought provoking question was “do we need to be “buddy buddy” with someone who has hurt us? The question was based around a financial deal that had gone bad. The discussion in the high priests quorum ultimately concluded with the consensus that “you need to forgive but you don’t necessarily need to “hang out” with them.” This answer caused me to do some serious thinking and I have come to the conclusion that they were wrong.

Undoubtedly there are some reading this blog that have experienced serious hurt from someone they deeply trusted. Perhaps an adult was abused as a child by a love one. Perhaps a Father had an internet addiction that caused serious hurt. Or perhaps a spouse had an inappropriate relationship outside of marriage. In each of these instances, forgiveness is not only the act of forgiveness itself… but learning to once again love and adore the sinner. Now that is forgiveness!!!

Some months ago I had an experience that has changed my life. I was reading in Denver Snuffer’s ‘The Second Comforter’ (a book I will one day discuss in detail) and read how the standards of the Lord are so high, that he not only asks us to forgive our enemies, but to pray for them! I was touched deeply by this thought: I had to take some action.

I had a business associate who had deeply offended me and cost me thousands of dollars in losses over many years. He had flat out lied to my face and made life difficult for me for a time. After reading this quote, I knew I needed to not only forgive him… but to pray for him. I knelt down, and in the most awkward manner possible, began to pray for him. It was very difficult but something I knew I must do. For the next week or so, I prayed for this individual morning and night. I prayed for his success and for his family. I was sincere but it was difficult. A few days later I forgot about it.

About a week later, to my huge surprise, this man came into my office and asked to meet with my brother and I. As we sat to talk, his eyes filled with tears and he proceeded to apologize for the way he treated us. He was sincere and truly broken hearted and contrite. I sat in amazement!

Of course my brother and I forgave him and we parted friends. After he left I sat pondering in my heart… thanking the Lord. I went to my brother who knew nothing of my prayers, and said “let me tell you the rest of the story.” We marveled together of the Lord’s goodness.

Yes, forgiveness is a Christian virtue; perhaps the most difficult. But learning to forgive… and I mean really forgiving is one of the most God-like characteristics we can develop. My we never give up on this one!