Starting Over

I’ve been feeling a lot of promptings lately to start writing blog posts again. I can’t really explain why I stopped a year ago but I just didn’t have them in me anymore. Much has happened in the last year, and I don’t see the gospel the same anymore at all. Although I feel my testimony is stronger than it has ever been… of the things that matter… my testimony has been completely deconstructed, then reconstructed. I hope to be able to share some of the things I have learned and that those things might be of benefit to others.

I have read a vast array of books over the last few years from Talmage’s Jesus the Christ and McConkie’s Messiah series, to many others that deal with many difficult subjects in church history and doctrine. I’ve come to realize that the more I learn, the less I know. I’ve come to realize that much of what we believe as members of the church is based on tradition more than on fact or doctrine. I’ve realized that our tradition of bearing testimony and saying “I know” something is true is more tradition than anything else. I’ve learned, however, that there really are those that truly “know”. I want to be one of those. I want to be like Jacob, the brother of Nephi, that when facing Sherem, exclaimed:

“And he had hope to shake me from the faith, notwithstanding the many revelations and the many things which I had seen concerning these things; for I truly had seen angels, and they had ministered unto me. And also, I had heard the voice of the Lord speaking unto me in very word, from time to time; wherefore, I could not be shaken.” Jacob 7:5

I have come to believe, more powerfully than I have ever believed that Jesus Christ is the redeemer of the world. I believe that he is the Son of God, and that we, through repentance, humility and obedience, we too can become sons and daughters of God. I believe with all my heart that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I believe that the temple endowment is the key to understanding God’s Eternal Plan. I believe in the Gold Plates and their miraculous translation. I believe with all my heart that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. It is because of this belief in the Book of Mormon that I feel inspired to once again write this blog.

I’m going to do something now that I tried to do a couple of years ago; that is to write my thoughts and feelings about the Book of Mormon as I go through it verse by verse. My two previous readings of the Book of Mormon were improved by my keeping a journal as I read and I would write down the things I felt inspired by. These two journals are of great value to me now. This reading, however, I was a bit more ambitious. I decided to read every footnote in the book. I am now 15 months into this project and am in Mosiah 8! Although this is an arduous project, it has been invaluable. My testimony has been strengthened beyond description. I hope I can share some of that strength with those that might read this blog.

Please forgive my weakness as I give this my best shot!

1 Nephi Chapter 1

Nephi claims to have been born of “goodly parents.” Referencing Webster’s 1828 dictionary, goodly is defined as “Being of a handsome form; beautiful; graceful; as a goodly person; goodly raiment; goodly houses.” I don’t think it is a stretch to say Nephi meant “wealthy.” This would explain why Nephi points out four times that “my father dwelt in a tent”, something he was not accustomed to. It also explains what this goodliness meant to him; namely that he was taught somewhat in all the learning of his father. What did his father’s learning consist of?

Based on minimal research I have learned that learning the Torah among ancient Hebrews was common among the upper class. In 1 Nephi 1:2 we learn that Nephi was taught the learning of the Jews, but also the language of the Egyptians. Why did Lehi know the language of the Egyptians? Was he in a trade that required him to deal with Egypt as well?

Going back to verse 1 we learn that Nephi saw many afflictions in his day. We know he was bound and beaten at times by his older brothers.  We know he suffered from hunger and fatigue in the wilderness. We know he struggled with his sibling’s lack of faith. But most of all he was afflicted “And it came to pass that I was overcome because of my afflictions, for I considered that mine afflictions were great above all, because of the destruction of my people, for I had beheld their fall.” 1 Ne. 15:5

Despite Nephi’s afflictions he felt “highly favored” of the Lord in all his days. He had a great knowledge of the “goodness and mysteries of God.” I would like to address both the “goodness” and the “mysteries” separately.

First I will address God’s goodness. Nearly three years ago I began pondering an important question: If Jesus Christ is our brother, (and I believe he is) why is he so much better than us? We learn from Moses ” Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.” Moses 1:10

Even the great prophet Moses considered himself nothing when compared to Jehovah. Why is there such an apparent gap between the greatest men of the earth and the Savior? Pondering and praying about this important question, reading the scriptures prayerfully, and most of all pondering the temple endowment have taught me the answer to this question. I am confident I don’t have the complete answer but I have received what the Lord sees fit to tell me at this point. I’m not going to share what the Lord has told me at this point but I will say that the Plan of Salvation we are taught in the Church is the pre-school version. The Lord’s great plan is vast and encompassing. His “goodness” is beyond anything we can comprehend at this time.

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” Corinthians 2:9

Now for the mysteries. Searching the “mysteries” seems to be discouraged in the church today. I understand the concern of the Brethren with so much information available on the internet today: Some of it is simply not true, more is taken out of context, but for the most part there are many things available that are true, and difficult, and largely unaddressed by the church. I liked a line from a talk by Terryl Givens I heard recently where he stated “If you are 45 years old, and learning for the first time that Joseph Smith translated part of the Book of Mormon by peering at his peep stone in the bottom of a hat, that’s a problem.” At the same time, the scriptures encourage us to search the mysteries. I am pasting below a small sampling of the topical guide that refers to “Mysteries of Godliness”

• make known the mystery of the gospel: Eph. 6:19 .
• mystery which hath been hid from ages: Col. 1:26 .
• great is the mystery of godliness: 1 Tim. 3:16 . ( 1 Tim. 3:9 . )
• mystery of God should be finished: Rev. 10:7 .
• I will tell thee the mystery of the woman: Rev. 17:7 .

• having great desires to know of the mysteries of God: 1 Ne. 2:16 .
• mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by … Holy Ghost: 1 Ne. 10:19 .
• until I shall see fit … to reveal all things: 2 Ne. 27:22 .
• unsearchable are the depths of the mysteries: Jacob 4:8 .
• we might read and understand of his mysteries: Mosiah 1:5 .
• mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view: Mosiah 2:9 .
• interpreters … prepared for … unfolding all such mysteries: Mosiah 8:19 .
• I have seen much of his mysteries: Alma 10:5 .
• given unto many to know the mysteries of God: Alma 12:9 . ( Alma 26:22 . )
• every nation, kindred … shall know of the mysteries: Alma 37:4 .
• many mysteries … no one knoweth them save God: Alma 40:3 .

• mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you: D&C 6:7 .
• mystery of godliness, how great is it: D&C 19:10 .
• given him the keys of the mysteries: D&C 28:7 . ( D&C 35:18 . )
• thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things: D&C 42:61 .
• to them will I reveal all mysteries, yea, all the hidden mysteries: D&C 76:7 .
• book which John saw … contains the revealed will, mysteries: D&C 77:6 .
• greater priesthood … holdeth the key of the mysteries: D&C 84:19 .
• blessings, in expounding all scriptures and mysteries: D&C 97:5 .
• hidden things which no man knew: D&C 101:33 .
• privilege of receiving the mysteries of the kingdom: D&C 107:19 .

• intention of their more mysterious passages revealed: JS—H 1:74 .

Searching the mysteries is highly encouraged by the scriptures. My experience shows that mysteries are revealed as we do as we are encouraged to do: truly seek and ask, repent of our sins, repent of our pride, seek to be humble, put off the natural man, call upon the name of God, strive to keep the commandments, remember the Savior in all we do and say.

The message of the Book of Mormon is that we can have a personal relationship with the Savior of the world. We can know him personally. I pray we may all strive to receive this blessing.