"O Wretched Man That I Am"

A couple of weeks ago I started reading the Book of Mormon again. I decided this time to keep a journal as I read and to write down thoughts and impressions that come to me as I am reading. I am amazed at the things I have written down and am now better able to remember because I took the time to write them down. My reading of the Book of Mormon will forever be changed since reading “The Second Comforter” by Denver Snuffer. I now see much more clearly the number of times that the Lord personally appears and speaks to those who were writers of the Book of Mormon. I want to follow the example of these great leaders.

Today I was deeply touched by 2 Nephi Chapter 4. This is the chapter where Nephi writes about his fathers final words to his family before he dies. Then Nephi goes on to give one of the greatest sermons of all time… one that I feel resonates with me and my life. I will quote Nephi, but insert my thoughts as appropriate.

Nephi writes “16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.”

I know that I shouldn’t “delight” in other people’s sorrows but I have to admit that this group of scriptures gives me great comfort. I like to know that Nephi, one of the greatest prophets of all time, who saw God and angels, continued to struggle with temptation! I honestly strive to keep the commandments but I too continue to be saddened by my weakness in keeping the commandments.

Nephi continues “19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. “

I too know that God has been my support and has led me through mine afflictions. Even beyond my ability to comprehend, God has been there for me to support me in times of great sorrow. I have felt of His love… to the consuming of my flesh. In a time when I was so sad that I didn’t think I could go on, the Lord was there to lift me and to comfort me. He has even confounded my enemies… my enemy Satan… a story I will tell on a future post.

Nephi continues “23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?”

This may be my favorite part! Nephi has had visions… perhaps dreams because he says “in the night-time”. He has had the visitation of angels! And most importantly he has seen the Savior! (See 1 Nephi 11:1-11 to see the details of this vision. Pay particular attention to verse 11). He was carried away unto an “exceedingly high mountain” where he saw and heard things he could not write! Does this have something to do with the Temple Endowments of today?

Nephi continues “27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

I want to tell of a very sacred personal experience here. This is a story that I have never told in public before. In about 1998 Ann and I took a tour with BYU Travel Study to the Holy Land. For those of you who haven’t done this yet I highly recommend it: It is a life changing experience! While in the city of Jerusalem we had the opportunity of going to the Garden Tomb a couple of times. This experience alone is wonderful enough, but we were there at Easter… an even more sacred time for this specific spot. I am not sure that I have ever felt the Spirit stronger than I did on Easter morning in this sacred place. On most days visitors are allowed into the tomb… but on Easter the tomb is closed with a sign on the door stating “He is not here, for He is risen”.

I found a spot alone in the beautiful gardens that surround the tomb and poured my thanks out to God for my many blessings. But I also had a nagging burden on my mind. Some months before I had done something that I considered a sin. I don’t want to imply I had done anything grievous, but I had done something I was ashamed of. I felt my repentance would not be complete until I talked to my bishop about it. The problem was that my bishop was one of my best friends… I was too embarrassed to go to him. (How many has this kept from truly repenting?) As I sat there, and pled with the Lord to forgive me… an almost audible voice came to me and said “I bled from every pore, was humiliated and spit upon, whipped and beaten, nailed to a cross until I died for you… and you are embarrassed!” I felt I was cut to the core by this voice: I was so ashamed. Needless to say I went to my bishop and received forgiveness.

Nephi continues “28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen”

I bear my personal and solemn witness to you that God lives and that His Son Jesus Christ is the Redeemer of the world. I have a personal witness that true repentance, and continual striving to keep the commandments is the only place we find true joy and happiness.

Putting Off the Natural Man

Perhaps one of the most basic teachings of the gospel, or perhaps the Plan of Salvation’s most basic principle is the need for the children of God to “put off the natural man.” In Mosiah 3 we read “19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

The scriptures are full of metaphors of how each of us should do this thing. One of the most common phrases is that we must be “born again.” We teach that baptism is symbolic of dieing and burying the old self and coming out of the water a new person… one who has taken on the name of Christ. (In our culture when a woman marries a man, she takes upon herself his name. She is no longer known by her old name… just by that of her husband).

Since Adam and Eve partook of the fruit in the Garden of Eden and fell, it has been the duty of man to repent and to return to our Heavenly Father. In Old Testament times, the covenant people were commanded to live the law of sacrifice which involved the sacrificing of animals. In our day, we are still commanded to live the law of sacrifice but in a different way.

Christ stated in 3 Nephi 12:17 “Think not that I am come to destroy the law or the prophets. I am not come to destroy but to fulfill;” We also read in 3 Ne. 9: 20
“And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost,”

Today we are expected to sacrifice all things. We must be willing to lay all of our worldliness upon the altar. Joseph Smith taught “Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; … it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth’s sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life” (Lectures on Faith 6).

In my recent reading of James Ferrell’s “The Hidden Christ”, I have been awed by the Old Testament and how literally every story in it points to Christ and the Atonement. Those of you familiar with his book “The Peacegiver” know how the story of Abigail points to the Savior. Consider how Moses struck a rock with his staff and water flowed forth. How many scriptures refer to Jesus as the “Rock of our salvation” and as the source of “living water”?

I learned another important lesson from Ferrell in chapter 12 of “The Hidden Christ”. I quote “Some people think the God of the Old Testament seems harsh, citing examples of punishments under the law, (death to transgressors by stoning, for example), and the commandment for the Israelites to kill every person that lived in the promised land when they were finally crossed into the land to occupy it. However, if you think of the body of Israel not as a collection of individual, but as a representation of a single person—one who is to be a follower of Christ—all of these harsh contradictions make divine sense, and Old Testament books like Joshua and Judges suddenly become illuminating guides to repentance and sanctification. We truly do need to wipe out all the temptations around us and stop dabbling in sin.”

He continues “Because Egypt, as it were was still in the Israelites, they were not allowed to cross into the Promised Land for forty years. As a body they had to become sanctified. One might wonder why all the people had to wait for the purification of the whole before they were allowed to enter into the promised land. Why couldn’t some have entered sooner on their own—when they, themselves, were ready”?

An even more difficult question might be why Moses was commanded the following: “But of the cities of these people, which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth: But thou shalt utterly destroy them; namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee:” (Deut. 20:16,17). And “And when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.” (Deut. 7:2, 3).

If we look at the Children of Israel as representation of an individual, how much of the world are we expected to give up? “All that is ungodly within each of us truly must be put to death or we will not be able to enter into the presence of the Lord. Furthermore, in order to become holy, we really do need to overcome all the temptations around us and stop dabbling in sin. If we are content to surround ourselves with unholiness, we, too, will become unholy and will therefore remain separated form the Lord, which, in the language of the scriptures, is death—spiritual death”.

Experiences in my own life have shown that the Lord expects a lot of me. I must put off the things of the world. I must not put my trust in the arm of the flesh. I must put off vulgarity and uncleanliness. I have learned for myself that the scripture we read in D&C 121: 45 is true
“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.”

The Lost Coin

In Chapter 15 of Luke, the Saviour intoduces three parables that deal with those who have become "lost". They are the parable of The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin, and The Prodigal Son. Each story targets a distinct group of people that have "wandered" in one way or another. This post will express my thoughts on each of them.

The Story of the Lost Sheep tells of a shepherd that has 100 sheep. When he notices that one of the sheep has wandered off, he leaves the "ninety and nine" and goes off searching for the one. When he finds the one, he rejoices and carries the lost lamb back to the fold.

Author Larry Barkdull, in his book Rescuing Wayward Children tells the following: "President David O. McKay suggests that the lost sheep is like many who stray innocently with no rebellious intent. Rebelliousness is not always the issue, he said. In the parable, the sheep was seeking its livelyhood legitimately, albeit ignorant of the consequences, and wandered into unknown and dangerous territory seeking better grass. Suddenly, it is lost. The sheep is no different from some children in the Church who wander unwittingly; seeking success in education, career, or other pursuits, they one day look up and find themselves far from the Church and disconnected from gospel principles. Their wandering has misled them in defining truth and what constitutes true success, and they are now too lost to find their way back without a good shepherd to guide them."

It is easy for me to picture a sheep, with its head down, paying little attention what is going on around it, following clump of grass after clump of grass. Suddenly it puts its head up and realizes it does't recognize any of its surroundings. We are all guilty of this in our own lives at some level. I know that on occasion I look up and find myself off the path that I know is right. At times like these, when we are suddenly lost, if we listen carefully, we will hear the voice of the Shepherd calling out to us as He comes to our rescue.

In what is likely the most familiar of the three parables, that of the Prodigal Son, a young man becomes rebellious and leaves the way of his father and goes out into the world afer his own pursuits. After living a wild and riotous life, he finds himself broken and alone... and far from home. He realizes he has lost everything and offers to come back and be a servant in his fathers house. But his father rejoices at his return, kills the fatted calf, and celebrates the return of his lost son.

How true is this story in each of our lives as well? It is our nature to want to do things on our own. Even our small children say "I do it" when we try to help them do something. It is our pride that makes us think we can do it on our own. Even our first parents, Adam and Eve, fell into the trap of thinking they could do it on their own or some other way. It is by paying attention to the Spirit that we see the error of our ways and return to our Father in Heaven.

The story that seems to be the least familiar, at least with me, is that of the Lost Coin. This story also seems to have significant parallels in my own life. Particularly as it relates to watching over things we have charge of like children, siblings, parents, home teaching families, etc.

The woman in the parable loses a coin in her own home (how does this relate to our own children?). In order to find it she lights a candle (adds more light), and cleans her home (cleans the inner vessel.... repents). She seeks the coin diligently until she finds it.

We too are guilty of losing things of value in our lives simply by the clutter of our lives. This clutter comes in many shapes and sizes. For some it is sports, for others it is simply making a living. Much of it comes from the never ending barage of "electronic noise" in out lives. This includes television, computers, ipods, cell phones, facebook, email, and the list goes on and on. If we are constantly stimulated by these distractions, when will we ever have time to hear the still small voice?

In Alma we are taught "God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also." This is a little hard to hear. We typically want the problems in our lives to be "someone elses" fault. It can't possibly be me! How many times have we heard ourselves say, after listening to a talk or sermon that talks about one problem or another, my wife/husband/sister/etc. really needs to hear this?

The Lord has taught us this principle in many ways in the scriptures. In Matthew 5 we read "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the alter, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the alter, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift". And, "First cast out the beam out of thy own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye". Again I quote form Larry Barkdull "To successfully seek out that which we have neglected and carelessly lost, we need to shine an honest light on our own house and begin sweeping."