Our Savior's Love

On December 21, 2011 my dear mother passed away. She was truly the most Christ like person I ever knew. She was kind and loving and never said an unkind thing about anyone. She always saw the good in every person and in every situation. She will be missed by all. Thank you to all who expressed their condolences and sympathies. I truly felt the influence of your prayers.

I would like to write today on a really wonderful experience that happened the day of her passing. It shows how much our Savior and our Heavenly Father really loves us, and it shows how we can receive some of the greatest blessings of our lives if we give ourselves the time and space to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit.

The night before my mother’s passing, the entire family, siblings and spouses, met at her bedside. The kind people at hospice had told us that the time was very near. The hospice nurse explained to us everything that was happening in her body, and what we could expect during the next few hours until her death. She hadn’t had anything to eat or drink for several days and her face was very frail and thin. Her heart was racing at about 130 beats a minute and she was very warm. Her body was simply shutting down. She was not conscious.

As we gathered together, there was a strong unity between all of us. There were no hard feelings. We were able to whisper things to our mother and tell her good bye. We had a family prayer. Then most of us left. I never expected to see my mother alive again.

The following morning was Wednesday, the day I go to the temple, and I awoke at my normal 4:15 in order to read my scriptures and say my prayers before going to the temple. I thought in my heart that there wasn’t a better place for me to be at my mother’s passing than at the temple. My prayers that morning were particularly earnest and my emotions were near the surface. I had expected a call or text overnight telling me of her passing but had received neither.

As I finished my prayers, and passed through the kitchen to go take a shower, I glanced at a picture of the Savior that hangs in that room. Without much thought I paused on the picture for a moment and said under my breath “please hold her hand today.” As I turned to walk away I felt the sweet promptings of the Spirit say to me “no Scott, you should hold it yourself.” I was a little taken back by the prompting. As I hopped in the shower I continued to ask the Lord if going to be with my mother, or going to the temple where I could pray in peace for my mother was more important. I had the distinct feeling I needed to go to my mother’s side. I dressed quickly and arrived at her side about 5:45 am.

When I arrived at my mother’s home (assisted living), my sister Carolyn was standing at my mother’s door. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that a couple of nurses ad just run by and entered another room. We soon learned that our sweet friend Arva had just passed away.

Arva was another angel. She was only 81 years old and in relatively good health. She had been in a car accident and had a serious brain injury that left her nearly unable to speak. She had, however, a huge heart and treated us, and especially our mother, with great love and respect. In her very labored speech, she always asked about our mother and expressed her concern. Everyone was shocked that she had passed and we were all saddened. I honestly feel however that she passed to help my mother make this important transition.

When entering my mother’s room, I found her nearly in the same state as the previous night. Julie, Carolyn and Lance had spent the night. Lance left just prior to my arrival. I sat next to my sweet mother and held her hand. I kissed her and whispered in her ear how much I loved her and how it was okay to go. There was no response but I know she could hear me.

At about 7 am, Carolyn expressed that she didn’t think that mom would leave while she (Carolyn) was there. She knew how upset Carolyn would be. Carolyn decided to leave.

Within a few minutes my brother Steve arrived. He too had had an impression to come. Over the past few months he had been very sweet and tender with my mother and had really taken care of her.

Soon after Steve came Susan. She was very kind and wonderful. Now it was just the four of us. We each took time holding mom’s hand and talking to her. We talked about the passing of our dad and our various experiences with that occasion. I was living in Maryland when my dad passed and despite my best efforts, was not able to make it before he passed. I was always disappointed I wasn’t there.

About 7:35 my mother threw up. All that came out was the mucus in her throat. As Steve turned to wipe it up she seemed to roll on her back a little and relax. Her breathing changed; she was taking a breath only every 10 or 15 seconds. We all jumped to her side. Susan indicated that this was probably it. We pulled the bed away from the wall so we could stand on both sides and we each held her hand or arm and wept. She took only 10 to 15 of these deep breaths- exhaled a final time- and slipped into eternity.

I will never really be able to express the peace that was in that room. There was a deep love and bond between those of us that were there that morning. It was among the most spiritual events of my life. I was so happy I was there.

I am certain that I could have gone to the temple that morning and had a wonderful experience. Instead, I had a once in a lifetime sacred experience. I am so grateful for a Savior that cares enough about me to whisper a small prompting to choose between two good things. I love Him and honor His Holy Name.

An Answer to Prayer

Over the past 10 days or so I have been really struggling with an important personal decision in my life. It was a decision I wasn’t sure I had the ability to make due to its difficulty. I haven’t known how to handle a certain situation and I have made it a matter of earnest personal prayer. I want to write how the Lord has answered my prayer… but in a way far different than the way I expected.

For the past few weeks I have been reading “The Promised Messiah” by Elder Bruce R. McConkie. I have discovered that it is a true treasure that we have in our midst and one that I have under appreciated. I encourage all to take the time to read it.

As I have read this book, along with my reading of The Book of Mormon, I have begun to have a greater understanding of, or perhaps a greater desire for the “ministering of angels.” I have learned that we as faithful Latter-day-Saints are entitled to this divine gift, so selfish me wanted this blessing in my life. So as I went to the Lord for help on the important decision spoken of, I wanted it to come in a way that included a divine manifestation.

I have spent long hours on numerous occasions in prayer on this matter. I have wept many tears and really plead. A few nights ago I awoke at 1:00 am and poured my heart out to the Lord for over two hours. I knew He was listening… I had some distinct impressions… but no clear answer, and no divine manifestation.

Several nights later I drove up Millcreek Canyon and hiked up Rattlesnake Gulch in the dark! I found a spot to pray and spent another couple of hours pouring my heart out to the Lord. Still no answer. I hiked back to my car and read from the Book of Mormon. I prayed as I read. Still no answer. When I started my car to drive home, my car audio system began to play our latest General Conference. Right at the time I needed it, Elder Richard G. Scott spoke these words: “What can you do to enhance your capacity to be led to correct decisions in your life? What are the principles upon which spiritual communication depends? What are the potential barriers to such communication that you need to avoid?

President John Taylor wrote: “Joseph Smith, upwards of forty years ago, said to me: ‘Brother Taylor, you have received the Holy Ghost. Now follow the influence of that Spirit, and it will lead you into all truth, until by and by, it will become in you a principle of revelation.’ Then he told me never to arise in the morning without bowing before the Lord, and dedicating myself to him during that day.”

Father in Heaven knew that you would face challenges and be required to make some decisions that would be beyond your own ability to decide correctly. In His plan of happiness, He included a provision for you to receive help with such challenges and decisions during your mortal life. That assistance will come to you through the Holy Ghost as spiritual guidance. It is a power, beyond your own capability, that a loving Heavenly Father wants you to use consistently for your peace and happiness.

I am convinced that there is no simple formula or technique that would immediately allow you to master the ability to be guided by the voice of the Spirit. Our Father expects you to learn how to obtain that divine help by exercising faith in Him and His Holy Son, Jesus Christ. Were you to receive inspired guidance just for the asking, you would become weak and ever more dependent on Them. They know that essential personal growth will come as you struggle to learn how to be led by the Spirit.

What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger. I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.

Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together. That’s why Nephi could say, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.” He knew the spiritual laws upon which inspiration and power are based. Yes, God answers prayer and gives us spiritual direction when we live obediently and exercise the required faith in Him.”

This message was directed perfectly to me. I am certain that had an angel appeared to me, he would have given me the exact same counsel. The whole thing was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me but I was particularly touched by the words “I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.” I learned I don’t need an angel to appear to receive the counsel I need!

Elder Scott said that spirituality yields two fruits: The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is the power or capacity to do it. Very clearly the answer came to me of what to do. In fact I knew exactly what to do! The second part however was the more difficult part… the part that required faith: I had to do what the Lord wanted me to do and it required me to go against what I believed to be the truth. I felt like Nephi when told to kill Laban. “And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart: Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
And the Spirit said unto me again: Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord; and he also had taken away our property.
And it came to pass that the Spirit said unto me again: Slay him, for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands;”

Doing what I needed to do was going to require me to swallow my pride. Like Nephi I said (with a little grumbling) I will go and do the thing which the Lord has commanded. I know it is the right thing and I know I will be blessed for it.

This experience has taught me once again that the Lord loves us and He answers our prayers. He does allow us to have difficulties in our lives to help us grow. I am grateful for my knowledge of His love for me. I am grateful for inspired leaders like Elder Scott that can follow the promptings of the spirit to help those in need. I know he wrote that talk for me and others with similar struggles.

Receiving Personal Revelation

Over the past few days I have had Elder Richard G. Scott’s talk from last conference (October 2009) referred to me several times. I guess I finally get the hint and realize it is something I should write about. I will do my best to express my feelings and impressions about this important subject.

Elder Scott’s talk is titled “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance” and covers the topic of receiving personal revelation. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been in the habit over the past 4 or 5 years of limiting my listening selections while driving, to Conference talks and to Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I feel that this one decision has been important in my life and has helped me immeasurably as I have strived to let “virtue garnish my thought unceasingly.” I have the blessing of listening to most of the talks around 20 times between conferences. I have learned that it isn’t until the 5th or 6th time that I really begin to hear what is being taught.

Despite this habit, and having already listed to this talk probably 7 times, I had a very humbling experience while talking to my friend Donna Nielsen last week. Over Christmas Donna gave me a copy of her book “The Beloved Bridegroom.” She also gave me a couple of CD’s that have some of her lectures on them. Sister Nielsen has become an expert on ancient Jewish life and on ancient symbols found in the scriptures. She is a speaker at Education Week and has a vast knowledge of the scriptures.

I called Donna to ask for her insight on the symbol of the fig leaf in the Garden of Eden. I know this may seem strange but it has been something on my mind for months. I really wanted to understand what Adam and Eve were trying to “cover” when they used fig leaves to cover their “nakedness”.

After discussing this topic a bit, we began to talk about our experiences of how and where personal inspiration comes. I described how I was on a flight from Boise to Salt Lake last year, and suddenly had an answer come clearly to my mind on a topic that I had been pondering for weeks. In an unlikely place… at an unlikely time…the answer came clearly and powerfully. I then asked Donna about her experience. She began by introducing to me a term she called “divine conversations”: she said “Elder Scott explains it perfectly in his last conference talk, doesn’t he?”

I was a little dumbfounded. I had heard this talk many times but had no idea what she was talking about. I hadn’t had that impression at all in this talk. After finishing this call I went immediately to the church website and re-read this talk. It was like I was reading it for the first time. This method of “divine conversation” that she talked about seemed to jump off the page at me! I was amazed. I read it over and over.

Yesterday my stake, the Holladay North Stake, held its annual High Priest Quorum meeting. All the High Priests and their wives were invited, as well as the single sisters who have home teachers that are high priests. The topic of Elder Scott’s talk was addressed at the beginning and then each person was asked to make notes of impressions they received during each of the talks. It was a great experience and I made many notes. When I came home I followed his council and pondered and rewrote my impressions.

In a testimony meeting that followed, Peggy Matheson, a friend and a sister I home teach, bore testimony to how this talk had been meaningful in her life in recent weeks. She felt she had received guidance on how to proceed with her business when following this method. To top it off, she went to the temple last week and Elder Scott was in her session! She took that as a confirmation.

For anyone really seeking how to receive answers to important questions, and how to feel confident they are following the promptings of the spirit, I encourage you to read this talk again. I want to quote part of it here but please take the time to read all of it.

Elder Scott said “Now I share an experience that taught me a way to gain spiritual guidance. One Sunday I attended the priesthood meeting of a Spanish branch in Mexico City. I vividly recall how a humble Mexican priesthood leader struggled to communicate the truths of the gospel in his lesson material. I noted the intense desire he had to share those principles he strongly valued with his quorum members. He recognized that they were of great worth to the brethren present. In his manner, there was an evidence of a pure love of the Savior and love of those he taught.
His sincerity, purity of intent, and love permitted a spiritual strength to envelop the room. I was deeply touched. Then I began to receive personal impressions as an extension of the principles taught by that humble instructor. They were personal and related to my assignments in the area. They came in answer to my prolonged, prayerful efforts to learn.

As each impression came, I carefully wrote it down. In the process, I was given precious truths that I greatly needed in order to be a more effective servant of the Lord. The details of the communication are sacred and, like a patriarchal blessing, were for my individual benefit. I was given specific directions, instructions, and conditioned promises that have beneficially altered the course of my life.
Subsequently, I visited the Sunday School class in our ward, where a very well-educated teacher presented his lesson. That experience was in striking contrast to the one enjoyed in the priesthood meeting. It seemed to me that the instructor had purposely chosen obscure references and unusual examples to illustrate the principles of the lesson. I had the distinct impression that this instructor was using the teaching opportunity to impress the class with his vast store of knowledge. At any rate, he certainly did not seem as intent on communicating principles as had the humble priesthood leader.

In that environment, strong impressions began to flow to me again. I wrote them down. The message included specific counsel on how to become more effective as an instrument in the hands of the Lord. I received such an outpouring of impressions that were so personal that I felt it was not appropriate to record them in the midst of a Sunday School class. I sought a more private location, where I continued to write the feelings that flooded into my mind and heart as faithfully as possible. After each powerful impression was recorded, I pondered the feelings I had received to determine if I had accurately expressed them in writing. As a result, I made a few minor changes to what had been written. Then I studied their meaning and application in my own life.

Subsequently I prayed, reviewing with the Lord what I thought I had been taught by the Spirit. When a feeling of peace came, I thanked Him for the guidance given. I was then impressed to ask, “Was there yet more to be given?” I received further impressions, and the process of writing down the impressions, pondering, and praying for confirmation was repeated. Again I was prompted to ask, “Is there more I should know?” And there was. When that last, most sacred experience was concluded, I had received some of the most precious, specific, personal direction one could hope to obtain in this life. Had I not responded to the first impressions and recorded them, I would not have received the last, most precious guidance.

What I have described is not an isolated experience. It embodies several true principles regarding communication from the Lord to His children here on earth. I believe that you can leave the most precious, personal direction of the Spirit unheard because you do not respond to, record, and apply the first promptings that come to you.

Impressions of the Spirit can come in response to urgent prayer or unsolicited when needed. Sometimes the Lord reveals truth to you when you are not actively seeking it, such as when you are in danger and do not know it. However, the Lord will not force you to learn. You must exercise your agency to authorize the Spirit to teach you. As you make this a practice in your life, you will be more perceptive to the feelings that come with spiritual guidance. Then, when that guidance comes, sometimes when you least expect it, you will recognize it more easily.”

I get the following ideas from this talk:
• When spiritual impressions come, write them down.
• After writing them down, seek a place where you can ponder what you have written to determine if you have written it down accurately. Make changes as necessary.
• Thank the Lord for what you have received.
• Then ask if there is anything more… and listen for the answer.

As I think back on the last couple of years, and recognize the spiritual growth that I have made, I ask myself what have been the determining factors? Certainly one of these factors has been the amount of writing down of spiritual impressions that I have done. This blog is one of the places I have written as well as a personal journal that I have kept faithfully over the past two years. Now I don’t mean to imply that I have done a great job in these writings because I haven’t. But I certainly have written more over the last two years than any time previously. I have much to learn from this pattern that Elder Scott outlines and I need to start following it. I look forward to the promptings that will come as I do.